The Gifts from Grief: Our Pain is Our Purpose

I had such a clear picture of what I wanted to write about for this blog. I wanted to write about “GRIEF”. What is it?  Where does it come from?  Why? How? When? Who?  Grief has had such a profound presence in my life that it almost felt second nature to explore it further with you all.

I was going to open a reminiscent blanket box full of old experiences and talk about the past – and how far I have come – how wonderful my life is currently and how grateful I am for all the struggles and unanswered prayers.  All of this is still true – and the blanket box is indeed still open for exploring.

But leading up to writing this, a huge life event, came knocking on my door.  And when I opened it – it was Grief who greeted me.  It was Grief who ever so gently stepped across my threshold and embraced me once again like a long-lost friend. Right now – as I write this for you – ‘Grief’ is still visiting with me.  This time it wasn’t a shocking arrival, as it has often been in the past – nevertheless – it did creep up with no invitation, quietly and assertively asking for a place to stay. 

Like so many times before, I would have been angry and frustrated at such an intrusion – but I have learnt over the years that it’s pointless to argue with Grief, and so today, with little thought I welcomed Grief into my house and into my heart once more.  No surprise that Grief felt at home in my surroundings, as he has visited many times; but to my surprise – he felt strangely comforting to me and in this moment, I am grateful that he is here. 

Grief is moving through each room of my home, reminiscing about the memories, lessons and truths that he had endowed to me in the past.  He told me how amazed he was at the renovations in my home and how impressed he was that I had kept so much of what he had given me; even though most had been repurposed, and some things were almost completely transformed and unrecognisable.  This made me smile because I realised that Grief has in fact been a part of every significant change and transformation in my life – and so it feels natural to me that parts of him would be visible in my home.

So, in calm reflection, as we walk down memory lane together - I sense that Grief, during this stay, has another poignant gift for me.  A golden nugget of wisdom to add to my library.  I am not quite sure what he will leave with me, but I know his Gift is wrapped in Pain – carving out space for a new room in my house.  Grief proceeds to ask me who will be staying in this new room.  I reply – Me.  With a puzzled look – Grief takes a seat, as I explain to him the recent events that has required me to ‘let go’, ‘surrender’ and ‘lose’ parts of myself; and that it is painful to understand this particular loss.

Grief has settled now, and he is comfortable as he sifts through my blanket box of eclectic memories – each fabric forming an intricate detail to the wonderful tapestry of my life. Grief explains: As the wheel turns and fools take their journey – life’s path is a voyage of cycles; rotations of rapture, rupture, repair and repeat.  Nothing is permanent, except change and this too shall pass.

Pain gives us a purpose to live well, he says; to live intentionally, to live fully.  We cannot always control what hurts, breaks and causes suffering – for it lies outside of us – but we can control how we choose to move forward.  Every moment, whether it is blissful joy or the discomforts of sadness, is an opportunity to change who we are; to redefine ourselves, not by our wins or losses – but by what we do with what we have in the present moment.

In my silence I listen.  Grief has indeed shaped my capacity to bridge differences through shared experiences.  This ironic gift teaches us to transform our sorrow into a source of profound personal growth, building upon principles of resilience, compassion, empathy, gratitude, love and connection. 

Our wounds, traumas and challenges transform into strength, just like the wabi-sabi philosophy and traditional Kintsugi Art; in which finds beauty in imperfection and transience. Rather than disguising the fractures, let’s highlight them, embracing the breakage and repair as part of our history. Our stories are an integral part of who we are, sequences of experiences in the creation of our humanity. 

As I sit with Grief:  I recognise my only purpose is to transform pain into a capacity for connection to and with those who share in our experience; to cherish life and find meaning in moments that are the most challenging; to rise above suffering in order to appreciate, value and be thankful for the joys and blessings that balance the cycle.

From Struggle to Strength in all forms – I realise now, that it is Grief who has always been closest to me, in my times of need – that some of the most precious gifts in my home are the Gifts from my truest friend: The Gifts from Grief.